Those third parties have really odd marketing campaigns...

Welcome to WCAD News. Today, we have typed up a transcript of the presidential debate, as seen on Weak Public Broadcast (WPB.)

Phil: Hello, I’m Psycho Phil, and the debate is startin’ soon! The two candidates are Matt Roomney and Broke Obomi. The moderator tonight will be Candy Kong, representative of Kongo Island. The debate starts now.

Candy Kong: Hello, President Obomi and Governor Roomney.

Obomi: Hi. Hey. Hello. Hoo. Huh. Hee.

Roomney: Gosh, it seems as if you’ve said HELLL-OOOOH! Hello to you, friend!

Candy: Uh….okay…anyway, our first question comes from Little Timmy in the audience.

Obomi: Great, I love children. Well, I love the crunchy taste of their brittle bones.

Little Timmy: Uh….ahem….*cough* *cough*. He-here’s my question, Mr. Candidates. I h-hope it’s okay….

Candy: Go on.

Little Timmy: O-okay. In the last fiscal year, jobs have been down about 40%. In the world of the economic struggle, you have to find out the freshest ingredients for Tatoing. Ratatoing. Marcel Toing. Tatoing. Ratat-AAAAH!

(Obomi hops off the stage and eats Timmy)

Roomney: OBOMI! I was saving that!

Obomi: Well, maybe you could have ROCK HARD ABS!

Candy: Uh…..great. The next question is from Beethoven Bhust.

Beethoven: Ahem. How do you get ROCK HARD ABS?

Roomney: By kicking ROCK HARD CRABS!

Obomi: Rock “Globster!”

Roomney: Clever!

Candy: Who the heck are these guys?

Obomi and Roomney: We’re….

(Obomi and Roomney fuse)

Oboomnei: THE PRESIDENT, SUCKA!

Candy: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

The broadcast cut out, but we assume that nobody was eaten by Oboomnei, especially nobody named Candy Kong. Kongo Island has nothing to worry over.