I don't know if this could be described as "action" news...

Jarker hunkered down the lane.

Who was he? All he knew was his name. And that he was on the lane. He kept walking until he saw a store. Entering the store, he realized there was nobody occupying the building. He looked around the store, and as he was about to leave, a hand grabbed him.

Jarker looked down to see a pig. He thought, if what grabbed me was a pig, why did it have a hand? His thought was never answered, however, because the pig jumped at Jarker and knocked him down.

“What are you doing to me?” screamed Jarker. As he struggled, he realized he had an object in his pocket. Then he forgot what it was. Suddenly, he felt a ghastly presence, and was suddenly transported into the body of the pink-colored hog.

Now you know the story of Jarker. So, remember, if you ever see a pig named Jarker, always remember what’s in your pocket before it’s too late.