Note: This incident is only kept on file for recording purposes

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Mr. Chrancholtin Found, Mysterious Actions Lead to Tragedy


A senior resident of Hair Lake City, Mr. Chrancholtin, was reported missing on Friday. After an extensive investigation, the elderly citizen was finally found. Reportedly, Mr. Chrancholtin was found hanging from a tree branch by his mouth. “An officer approached Mr. Chrancholtin from under,” says a citizen, “a grave mistake.”

According to reports, the old man quickly shot off the tree branch, landing on the officer and slightly absorbing him in a layer of fat. Suddenly, the officer’s hands wiggled in extremities, all while he shouted “The manatee! How can I tame this beast?”

Eventually, Mr. Chrancholtin exploded, as the officer fell lifeless. Police are baffled, but I think it could be a police-hating manatee disguised as an ol-

yOu FoUnD mY sEcReT! nOw DiE!