Give The Dog a Bone

VERY tasty.

Do you believe in monsters?

If you do, then you probably are one. I mean, I’ve never seen a monster walking about. Have you been moseying down the street ever and spotted a monster just chillin’? Nah. That doesn’t happen.

Or does it? Like in other parts of the world? I’m not a travel guy. I’ve heard that monsters have some complicated underground travel system…

…No, I haven’t seen that movie. Little Monsters (1989), starring Fred Savage and Howie Mandel? What are you talking about? If there was a movie by the title of Little Monsters (dir. Richard Greenberg), I’m sure I, a seasoned monster hunter, would know about it.

Sorry for going off on a tangent. But it’s true, Hollywood wants you to believe in monsters. Are there monsters in Hollywood? Probably. Ever hear of that “reptillians” theory? Baloney, eh? I think that some o’ them guys just have monstrous hearts. That’s it. Nothing to it. No such thing as real monsters.

Anyway, what do you loyal readers think? I’d like if you would share your thoughts in the comments below… If you want to discuss at length, you could post your address too. I might bring some friends over, so make sure you have prepared dinner! By which I mean take a bath.

Cereal Kid

This comic was created using Rotoscope Magic!

When I sat down to write the description for this comic, I discovered that some malefactor had written the following two words into my text box: “the roods.”

Now, it just so happens that I went with my Main Man “T” to see the recent animated cave-dweller hi-jinks holiday feature, “The Croods” last night, but that surely couldn’t have anything to do with some unknown hooligan typing “the roods” into my text box, could it?

I mean, what would that even mean? Is this unknown entity implying that the lovable cave-bound family of frivolity featured in “The Croods” is composed of rude members? Well, I suppose, having viewed the animated fun fest in full last night, that there was a modicum of rudity and, dare I say it, crude behavior beyond the norms of civil interaction in the film, but then again, the feature is intended to present a humorous look at the foibles of early humanoid underground cavern dwellers, and in that respect, their less-than-polite behaviors are quite understandable and barely rise to the level of rood, er, rude.

So, that having been said, perhaps the cruel villain who cudgeled my keyboard was merely an errant emissary. Most likely momentarily disoriented due to a lack of timely updates to the popular online neo mediated online epic, Homestuck.

Or, perhaps not. But one thing is clear: It is rude to type “the roods” into someones text box without explanation or proper permission.

Your Funk Is Showing

Get into a FUNK this instant!

The city. Late at night.

Glimmering towers of sparkling light.

Underneath, dark, wet streets.

The headlights reflect off the tarmac. Sweeping beams.

Inside, people heading from somewhere to somewhere else. Lot of traffic for this time of night.

Vagrants. Riffling through the trash bins. Maybe something still good in there.

The wealthy, leaving the ballet in taxicabs and private cars. Probably a nightcap at a fancy club.

The bars, emptying out, early a.m. The streets will be more dangerous for a while.

Residential streets. Rows of houses. Dark and quiet. People who have to get up early to earn their keep.

The city. Late at night.

Never sleeping. No. Not quite.

Phlegm Throughout History

That candidate... was not elected.

I have acquired a seed.

Seeds are often used to grow plants, yes, this is true.

Perhaps I shall plant this seed to see what happens. Perhaps not. Who knows?

I could be planting the seed right now. Or later. Most likely, later from this point in time.

Only most likely, not 100%. As I was saying that previous remark, I was planting the seed.

Tricked you there, eh? Anyway, now to watch it grow.

I wonder what kind of plant it could be. A tree? Maybe. A rose? Hmm. A poinsettia? No, too hard to spell.

I can’t help but ponder. Could be like, not even a plant. Like, corn or something. I don’t know. I’m not a plant man.

I mean, I even mistook this plastic seed for a genuine one.

Rgh. Best get comfy. It could take a while.

His County

Where the heck am I?

Greetings. Today is a very special instance of Weak Comic a Day Theater. We say this because today is the day we finish our ongoing “Jawge” drama. If you are unsure of the previous content of this play, please consult these four pages. Consulted enough? Let’s continue…

Jawge

A One Act Play, Part Five

(Today)
Man: I….uh, I can’t think of a clever phrase relating to “today.”
Judge: You didn’t even start that! Jawge did!
Man: Yeah, but I needed SOMETHING for you to get me to tell my story, and besides, I’m one to hop on bandwagons.
Judge: Dismissed.
Jawge: Hey, speaking of me, why do I only have like ten lines if my name is in the title?
Judge: SILENCE! Now on with the processions….
Glorx: W8. 1, 4L13N M4ST4H GL0RX, H4S 4 ST0RY 4S W3LL.
Judge: Ugh…. go on.

(A beautiful day in Sticks City. Children are landing) (EARLIER) (EARLIER) (EARLIER) (EARLIER)
Glorx (hiding in trees:) WH3R3’S TH3 SH1P.
(A spaceship slowly lowers down with an EarthBound sound effect)
(The hatch opens. Ten kids fall out and mechanically slam to the ground)
(The hatch closes. The ship raises to the sky)
Glorx: C00L. N0W, K1DS, WH3N Y0U 4W4KEN, H3R3 1S TH3 PL4N. Y0U W1LL 4SS1M1L4T3 T4RG3T “J4WG3” US1NG N0TH1NG BUT Y0UR CH1LD1SH CH4RMS. 1 W1LL B3 W41T1NG 1N TH3 N34RBY TR33S WH3N T4SK 1S C0MPL3TE. S3T L4NGU4G3 T0 “0PT1M1Z3D R4D10 D14L0GU3” (0RD) T0 K33P ST4T3M3NTS S1MPL3. G00D LUCK.
(Glorx hides behind trees)

(The Near Future)
Man: I love Futurama! I have all the DVDs….
(Glorx vaporizes the man with a laser)
Judge: Wait….why would you directly tell us that you were the culprit of this scheme to kill the innocent Jawge?
Glorx: 1 W4NT3D TH1S D4RM3D TR14L T0 B3 0V3R!
Judge: Understood. Take him away!
The Cat: Cease your silly actions, Judge. I saw Glorx arrive at the scene….
Judge: Please! No more! (Slams gavel)
Judge: We find the defendant…innocent!
Jawge: Yay!
(Everyone leaves the courtroom)
Jawge: Now to resume my crimes against space…
The Cat: To the secret lab, Jawge?
Jawge: Yes, please.

THE END?

Is it truly the end? Nobody knows for sure. Maybe it’s not. Maybe it is. It probably is. It is. Thank you for reading, and we hope you enjoyed “Jawge.” Please continue to read Weak Comic a Day. See you soon!

Turtle Night

You can come out now.

What’s up, homeboys? It’s WCAD Theater, bringing the scripts from promising young Broadway authors before they show up on stage. Today, we will continue our current read-through of “Jawge.” If you have somehow missed out on the earlier installments of this up-and-coming masterpiece, click here, here, and here. Now that you are up to speed, let us continue…

Jawge

A One Act Play, Part Four

(Modern Day)
Man: Hahaha! My favorite movie of all time is “Modern Times!”
Judge: Guards, confiscate his DVD player. (They do.)
Man: WHAT 
Judge: Guards, kick that man out!
Man: But you can’t, I’m a recurring extra! (The guards approach)
Man: And, and, I have an exciting flashback to tell you about!
Judge: Fine, let’s hear it.

(A beautiful day in Sticks City. Children are laying) (EARLIER) (EARLIER) (EARLIER)
Man (narrating:) Well, I was out for a walk in Sticks Park. I go to my favorite spot, near the woods, and there’s about ten kids lying motionless with their eyes and mouths wide open! I tried checking, but they weren’t breathing. Suddenly, they all woke up in tandem!
Kid: Hlo, mstr. Hw r yu?
Man: Uh, are you kids feeling well?
Kid: ……………………..W r a ltl slpy………….nd Jmy hrt hs lg.
Man: Oh, I’m sorry, kids! Let me send my friend, Gawje, over! He’s a medical student!
Kid: Optml.
Man: What?
Kid: OK.
Man: Oh. He’ll be over soon! I just have to tell him!
(Man runs away.)

Wow, so much happened, huh? We’ve all been through a lot together. Well, hang tight for another exciting installment of Jawge! This has been…Weak Comic a Day Theater.

Olivus Agree

I pimento ask you about that.

Oh man! That’s my exit…

Shoosh! I don’t want to miss it, and there’s no traffic around, so I’ll just veer off here…

Oh noes, I veered a bit too far.

Off the road.

Off the ramp.

Off the beaten path.

Off the cuff.

Off my rocker.

Off on a tangent.

Off on wild goose chase.

Off the map.

Off the charts.

Off the record.

And…

Beyond the pale.

Beyond belief.

Beyond expectations.

Beyond tomorrow.

Beyond comprehension.

And…

Over the line.

Over the edge.

Over the rainbow.

Over the river the through the woods.

And…

Into the great unknown.

Pirate Robot

This robot actually cost a dollar to render.

It’s that time again. Welcome to WCAD Theater, the revolutionary subscription-based program that delivers the latest hits straight from Broadway right to your front door. Currently, we are featuring an intricate drama entitled “Jawge.” If you need to catch up, you can read the first two parts here and here, respectively. If you somehow understood the first two installments, then enjoy:

Jawge

A One Act Play, Part Three

(Current Day)
Man: AAH! THERE’S A GIANT CURRENT COMING IN FROM THE BEACH!
Judge: That’s the least of our worries now! We need to finish… The Trial!
Woman: Did anyone hear my story? I explained that I was there before Jawge showed up.
Jawge: I agree with you!
Man: That’s baloney! For all you know, he left and came back!
Gawje: It’s untrue. Because I, Gawje, am the culprit.
People (WHAT)
Gawje: Yes. It was earlier than you may think….

(A beautiful day in Sticks City. Children are playing) (EARLIER) (EARLIER)
Gawje: Well, I’m here!
Kid: Hi! Hw r u?
Gawje: I’m feeling great on this beautiful day!
Kid: Yu cme jst n tme.
Kid: Jmy nds yr hlp.
Jmy: I brk m lg!
Gawje: Well, what else am I for? Come here, boy!
Jmy: A! Yu 8 me! (Runs to the bushes nearby)
Gawje: Huh? What the heck?
Kids: A! Yu 8 ll f us! (5 other kids run to the bushes)
Gawje: What’s going on here?
Kids: Go! Qk!
Gawje: Uh, uh, okay. (Runs away.)
Woman: Hello, kidiiiies!

How did you enjoy it‽ <— That’s called an interrobang. Who says these comics aren’t educational? Well, actually, nobody, since we only have a handful of visitors. And we love them all, including YOU! Thanks for reading, and be prepared for the next act part of Jawge!

Perception

I'd ask him, but he doesn't have a mouth 50% of the time.

Welcome once more to Weak Comic a Day Theater. Today, we shall continue our feature presentation, Jawge. If you want to catch up, click here. If you’re caught up, then prepare for…

Jawge

A One Act Play, Part Two

(Present Day)
Jawge: I love Present Day! AKA CHRISTMAS! But I’ll never get to see it again…
Judge: Well maybe YOU SHOULD NOT EAT THE KIDS!
Jawge: But I did not!
Woman: It’s true!
Everyone (GASPS)
Woman: It was earlier this day. I was in this park with the bananas, I mean kids……

(A beautiful day in Sticks City. Children are playing) (EARLIER)
Woman: Hello, kidiiiies!
Kid: Hlo, lvly ldy! Hw r u? W r n trbl.
Woman: Why is that, sssssson?
Kid: I’l xpln. Thr ws a hry mn hr jst nw.
Kid: Nd h 8 Jmy, Jke, Rlph, Rwly, Rgr, nd Mke!
Kid: Nd h thrtnd 2 cm bk!
Woman: That’s hhhhhhhhorrible! Well, you kids keep watch. Goodbyeeeeeeee!
Kid: By, ldy! B sfe!

We hope you enjoyed this somewhat extremely brief installment in our theatrical epic. Hey, why are you complaining? We give you FREE entertainment, and THIS is how you respond? FREE! Oh, by the way, we’re working on a book.

Shapze!

Juzt shapze.

Rock bottom.

That is what we have hit.

I don’t even think I have the energy to type anything more.

Rock bottom.

The bottom of the barrel.

Not a single fresh, new, or interesting idea.

The pits.

Less than zero.

That’s what I’ve got for you folks. Nuttin’

All you can eat.

Drink deep of the despair. I mean, really.

Bone dry.

Out of gazz.

Da elevator don’t go to the top floor…

Er, wait a second, that last one isn’t really on target.

But, who cares?

It’s the end.

I’m giving up.

I’ve had it.

Got no more.

Nothing to say.

Nothing to do.

Nothing to share that’s worth sharing.

I mean, well… are you still here?

Sweet Teriyaki Beef Jerky. You must be as much of a masochist as me.

Riffin’ on fumes. The sweet stonk of insuperability.

Severely parched, crawling in a desert of arid creative emptiness.

Oh well. Guess there’s always tomorrow. Inspiration may sling an errant arrow at my atrophied corpus callosum.

Or maybe not.

Wonder if there’s a rerun of Matlock on.

Now that was one darned creative TV show, by golly!

Laterz!